been feeling down and out since i got back from aus.

juz went thru my fb profile pics. can literally see the transformation from a happy-go-lucky wide eyed college girl to a jaded overworked young adult. life is sad, isn't it?

where did the sparkles and wonder go?

on a slightly happier note, i am going home on xmas! it will be my first in 5 years? tickets were 250. i figured if i dun go back for that 10 days, i would spend the same amount in singapore (shopping during boxing day esp).

i'll be home for xmas... you can count on me. please have snow and mistletoe and presents under the tree.

to the BFF, wanna make fruit cake together?

the last time i told a boy i liked him. he said it won't work out. i cried and i moved on. i vowed not to share my feelings like that anymore.

this time, i can't tell the boy i like that i like him. i am just as miserable. i cried and i will move on.

why can't it be simple?

unloved,
romantically unemployed.

the water supply outage

i just finished my dinner and was washing my cutlery at the sink when the water stopped flowing. shit. i am stinky from a jog and i have to meet a friend at fs in an hour's time. i went down to complain to the guard and he said he was calling the electrician. seeing that it was 845pm, i fretted that he may not be able to fix it by tonight. i decided to shower in the pool before anymore dirty residents could think of the same idea. in my green bathing suit (literally), i looked in the pool's direction from my room. there, under the poolside shower, stands a chinese (by chinese, i mean the nationality) boy (don't ask me how i know. i do.). abovementioned chinese boy showers quickly and he dodges a quick look around, he pulled down his red swimming trunks and started to wash his privates. (*cues "WTF???") i wanted to take a pic but that would be too mean. so i did something slightly less mean, i shouted from my window 'HEY!!! NICE BUTT!!!' he looked around, quickly finished up and scurried away. at the same time, the water supply came back and i took a nice long warm shower in the privacy of my bathroom.

true story.

it broke my heart a little when Tj emailed last night to confirm if i am gg over to BKK and that he will clean out his sis' room or even his room and he will sleep on the couch. i feel so bad:( esp when he asked 'am i gg to see u for my bday?' (u ask like dat, how can i say no??? sob sob*)

it's like i have a very very soft spot for the frens i love. when they want somethg and they ask me if i can do it, i feel so bad to decline them... but there is no way i am gg to thailand alone (i am paranoid i will be kidnapped to be sold off to the black market even tho i am 22 years old and weigh 65kg. it will take a lot for them to kidnap me. but i am still scared.)

i am sorry, bookerdude. :' (

on a slightly brighter side of the long weekend, i made ABC soup (it is the chinese version of milestrone soup). will post pictures if i take any later when it is ready!

even tho my ankle is starting to hurt. i put on my dancing shoes (new pink ones!) and practised my samba in the living area... and i wonder if my housemates think i am dubious or practising some tribal cult rituals (cuz i volta round and round the dining table).

n now i am sitting here. waiting for the soup to be ready. and i will do some mehndi on my feet to match my outfit tmr for picnic day with my beloved hanibunny. we are gg to be lesbian picnickers! i am gg to put my head on her lap and read a book and she will eat the parfait i made. <3 style="font-style: italic;">toodleloo, mothafoockas!

i shld be sleeping. but it is warm as hell here and i juz wanna type. my dear frens, no i am not suicidal and i have climbed out of my emotional lows at the moment. so all's good.

in fact i am kinda excited abt this month onwards.

life's busy. i have basketball on mondays (love the sport but i am so weak at it compared to the others). tuesdays are samba night (again, love the dance but i need more practice time and i am too shy to move my booty in the living hall cuz two dubious housemates' lifelines are plucked in there. they will think i am fucking dubious. i have tried dancing in the hall but i feel weirddddd and self concious. i miss my old KR room.)

now that my deadlines are all over, i am gg to leave work at 530 sharp! awesome!!! dinner? plans? remember to include me!

i am planning a trip to bangkok at the end of the month w the colleagues. i hope it all goes well. cuz if it happens, i am flying over to see Pear Bear. omg i can't wait oredi. i am so excited. (i suddenly feel this post is so delinquent. urgh i feel like those teenager blogger girls who are either emo or writing every crap they did/eat/drink/saw/gossipedabt daily. urgh. ) anyways... yes! can't wait to see him after 6 years! omg it has been 6 years??? since jc first three months! omg so cool!!! i remembered crying my eyes out when he left and he asked me why. i told him i was crying cuz i may never see him again in my life. he smsed two days ago to say that he may have a field trip on the exact dates as my trip to BKK. guess wat? he said the trip was to singapore! wat the mother fuck right? it's like some gay chinese drama or those mushy stuff bollywood movies are made of. but he got word today that it is all ok. he dun have to come to singapore, wont affect the grades, he'll be waiting. now i am juz short of: approved leave, air tickets, visa and the paper engineering book he would like. omg omg omg can't wait!!! please please please let it all go smoothly. i have too many overdue hugs for the pear!

holy trinity at work wants to go to KL for a short trip. tempted cuz P said he can put me and E up in his house in KL. damnit... i wanna go eat lok lok and go pasar malam... go or not? or juz save the money for shopping in BKK?

n lastly of course there is gg home!!! counting down to gg home esp, the anticipation of gg home. every year when i go home arnd this time for a long period, it feels like i am gg to a nice holiday resort,my summer house, away from madness and boo boos and to mom's food, daily aerobics and ... boredom. yes brunei is wonderful and peaceful but i hav to admit, if u are not gg to gatherings and parties, it is pretty boring. and the myth abt everyone sleeping at 10pm? yes. my best fren is guilty of it. only unemployed teenagers like my bro stay up till 3 or 5am, doing god knows what... n since my peers are my best fren and night insects... i think i wont get much action... n of course like every year i go back i aspire to learn to cook from my mom. this year, the same of course.

ok this will be a good month and the next too and the next next, insyallah.

P said, 'You can take Ashley out of Brunei but you cannot take Brunei out of Ashley.'

thank you brown cow.

thank you pear bear.

n all the rest too : )

i am not so bad if i still have friends like u guys!

THIS THING CALLED LOVE. YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T HAVE A SHOT AT IT. NOT IN THIS LIFETIME. BUT THERE IS ONLY ONE LIFETIME. TOO BAD, ASHLEY. THERE IS SOMETHING FUCKING DYSFUNCTIONAL ABOUT ME. I AM SICK AND TIRED OF EVERYTHING. FUCK THIS SHIT.